"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"

"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"Conserve toilet paper, use both sides."

"REHAB is for quitters"

"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am"

"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !"

"He who laughs last thinks slowest"

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone,somewhere may be happy."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"i souport publik edekasion"

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimulated."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..."

"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"2 + 2 =5 for extremely large values of 2."

Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy."

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.