"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

"...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

"So... what are you wearing?"

"Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

"Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

"We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

"In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

"Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

"Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

"Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."