10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day."

5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of- network charges" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Viagra pills didn't come in different colors with little "M"'s on them.

And The Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO...

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.